Desperate to talk to someone

"The only thing that gives me comfort, you guys, is when I'm sitting at home staring at the ceiling just WISHING that I had someone to talk to, is knowing that NONE of you idiots realize how lucky you are." - JD from Scrubs

Call me an attention seeker. I'm too depressed to defend myself. I don't give a shit about how it takes time to heal a broken heart.

My ex-girlfriend broke up with me when I just recently received news that my dad in the Philippines had a stroke and needed immediate medical attention because of complications of his diabetes. On top of that, it was my first time being the primary on-call person at my job and it had to be one of the busiest on-call week.

Quite frankly, I'm surprised I'm still alive today. I was on the edge... close to sleeping myself forever with the broken shards of glass near my computer from my broken window that still needs fixing.

Yes, I have my family, but I don't want my mom to see me cry anymore. She has a bad heart and I don't want to burden her. So there. I just made a rant thinking it would help. But it didn't. I'm still lonely and depressed.

I'm done.

My past keeps haunting me

Even though my family left the Philippines all the way to the US, my past still haunts me. It seems like there's no escaping it. No matter how much I try to distance myself, it's always at the corner of your eye waiting to startle you and make everything you've built to be strong to fall apart.

Dad in the Philippines calls/texts me asking for money for a business he wants to start. Then he texts me making me feel guilty for only helping him when he was in prison or when he got really sick and saying why I'm not helping him now.