Desperate to talk to someone

"The only thing that gives me comfort, you guys, is when I'm sitting at home staring at the ceiling just WISHING that I had someone to talk to, is knowing that NONE of you idiots realize how lucky you are." - JD from Scrubs

Call me an attention seeker. I'm too depressed to defend myself. I don't give a shit about how it takes time to heal a broken heart.

My ex-girlfriend broke up with me when I just recently received news that my dad in the Philippines had a stroke and needed immediate medical attention because of complications of his diabetes. On top of that, it was my first time being the primary on-call person at my job and it had to be one of the busiest on-call week.

Quite frankly, I'm surprised I'm still alive today. I was on the edge... close to sleeping myself forever with the broken shards of glass near my computer from my broken window that still needs fixing.

Yes, I have my family, but I don't want my mom to see me cry anymore. She has a bad heart and I don't want to burden her. So there. I just made a rant thinking it would help. But it didn't. I'm still lonely and depressed.

I'm done.

The Dream

I had that dream again. After about 5-6 weeks of not having that dream, why did I have to dream it again?

I was so happy when I was dreaming. Being with her and being able to hold her in my arms and hug her. I don't even remember what the dream was about. All I remember is that I was happy being with her. Then I woke up. I felt like not getting up to work. I wish I didn't wake up at all. Overall, the day was particularly crappy. Really busy at work. At least that took my mind off of my dream.