Why?

After all this time... why?

I haven't heard from her since she blocked/removed me from facebook. I thought I was doing great. And yet, when she comments on our friend's status or wall (even though I don't see her profile picture or info, I can still see her name) my heart skips a beat and it feels like I'm dying a little inside.

I've broken my small toe. Sprained my ankles multiple times without going to the doctor. Fell from a tree when a branch broke. Jumped from a moving vehicle and scraped myself silly rolling 20+ feet on the hot asphalt downhill. I shrugged them off even when blood was dripping from my wounds. Then why do I feel so weak when it involves her? She was my source of power and courage. My sunlight. Why now does she have to be my weakness...my Kryptonite?

I'm trying not to run out of options to staying calm and be peace-minded. Talking about it here is just not cutting it anymore.

I need to get out of this...

I'm done.

I hate dreaming sometimes

I had another dream. This time, we were lying down on the bed, side by side, and she asked me to marry her. I don't remember much about it, but I remember being very, very happy. Then I woke up.

Maybe it's because there was a marriage proposal scene on the "GI Joe" movie I watched yesterday.

My point is, I'm tired of feeling depressed and lonely. It sucks that every time I dream of her I lose my composure and get bummed out.

I'm done.

The Dream

I had that dream again. After about 5-6 weeks of not having that dream, why did I have to dream it again?

I was so happy when I was dreaming. Being with her and being able to hold her in my arms and hug her. I don't even remember what the dream was about. All I remember is that I was happy being with her. Then I woke up. I felt like not getting up to work. I wish I didn't wake up at all. Overall, the day was particularly crappy. Really busy at work. At least that took my mind off of my dream.