Work Work Work

More work and more work. It keeps me occupied and stops from me thinking and pondering about stupid things from the past. I'm tired of crying and I'm trying to do anything fun as much as I can... the problem: they're only temporary and after the fun is gone, I'm back to my depressing self.

I've been given more tasks at work as our team lead trusts me with a lot of stuff right now. I'm getting a lot of stuff accomplished. I should be happy, but I'm not. How can I enjoy this if I have nobody to celebrate this with?

Reprieve

For everyone... I'm sorry if I bothered and annoyed you...

Saturday

So I went to a cookout in Centennial Park on Saturday from 2 to about 6pm. It was great. It was a different crowd this time around, but still as fun as last time. the kabobs were really nice. Lin and I shared a kabob and Danny said to stop teasing Lin. I just think he's jealous :)

We stayed later than 5pm for a bit. There was a watermelon that was left over by this other group. The dad came back to pick it up, but he ended up dropping it and it partially broke. So he walked towards us and just gave it. So we had our free watermelon before we left.

My past keeps haunting me

Even though my family left the Philippines all the way to the US, my past still haunts me. It seems like there's no escaping it. No matter how much I try to distance myself, it's always at the corner of your eye waiting to startle you and make everything you've built to be strong to fall apart.

Dad in the Philippines calls/texts me asking for money for a business he wants to start. Then he texts me making me feel guilty for only helping him when he was in prison or when he got really sick and saying why I'm not helping him now.

My Otakon 09 Masquerade Performance

So Otakon has ended.  I enjoyed every minute of it.  I went for the entire 3 day event.  I took a lot of pictures (note: I need to upload them to my photobucket account, making sure there's no limit).

So many new things I did this year:
- I cosplayed (dressed up) as Roy Mustang from Fullmetal Alchemist and got into a Fullmetal Alchemist photoshoot.
- Attended a panel (first time attending one).
- Took a lot more photos this year than before.
- Masquerade performance.
- Sang karaoke in the Otacafe.

Now to my masquerade skit.  I was just thinking about possible things to add to my 101 list of things to do.  At the same time, I was really thinking about doing a skit on the Masquerade event.  It was just a thought.  I never thought that I would go so far to actually performing on stage.  I only had about 2 months of planning for my skit.  Not bad for a big event.

#16 and #19

This weekend at Otakon 2009, if I make it in, I will be fulfilling #16 and #19 of my "101 Things To Do Before You Die" list.  I'm actually thinking about incorporating a lot of the stuff in my list and put it in another one that's called "101 things in 1001 days."  I think it gives me more incentive and focus to have a set time and date to complete them.

16) Perform onstage (solo)
19) Entertain people

The Dream

I had that dream again. After about 5-6 weeks of not having that dream, why did I have to dream it again?

I was so happy when I was dreaming. Being with her and being able to hold her in my arms and hug her. I don't even remember what the dream was about. All I remember is that I was happy being with her. Then I woke up. I felt like not getting up to work. I wish I didn't wake up at all. Overall, the day was particularly crappy. Really busy at work. At least that took my mind off of my dream.

Missing Them

I've been avoiding this subject for a good 3+ months. I was very depressed when for the first 2 months. The last 4-5 weeks have been a very rough recovery. The only thing I could do is to keep myself busy with work, do as much as I can by myself and just enjoy life like I used to when I was just single.

Anyway, back to the topic. I know I shouldn't be feeling this. I miss my ex-girlfriend's family. I miss them all.

Positive Output

This person I subscribe to in Xanga talked about how we want to look good for someone we like. This reminded me of what I learned in Psych 101. I forgot the proper psychological term (any psych majors need your help) but it has something to do with producing a positive output out of something. The example the professor gave to the class at that time was "instead of hitting on your teacher whom you have a crush on, why not study and get good grades so she'll praise and notice you more." I think I was the only one in class that was doing a fake laugh at the time cause that's exactly what I did in high school.

My July 4th Story

July 4th has no meaning to me. I know that it's independence day, but I don't really relate to it because my independence day is June 12th in the Philippines. However, I understand why this day is important. It's the day the US was born and became a unified country. Knowing it's importance is good enough for me. My 4th of July story has nothing to do with the holiday, though.

There was an open invitation for the 4th of July cookout in Centennial Park from 9AM to 7PM. I initially planned to go. After hearing sad news from relatives in the Philippines, I hesitated and thought I shouldn't go. I don't know what made me change my mind a few hours later. I decided to go.

Rough Week/My Anime Doppelgänger

Rough Week

If it wasn't for the 3-day July 4th weekend, I'll probably be really pissy in the weekend.

Monday started with a full day... of work. The rest of the entire work week was all about ECRs, CRs, and SRs. So I don't get in trouble and to make a long story short, I was saving everyone's behinds and making sure everyone is on top of things. I don't think I can get any more vague than that. I can only speak for myself when I say that I've never been more busy at work for 4 days straight. The other times when I'm busy is during the weekends and late night phone calls when I'm the primary for the week. For some reason something always happens when I'm on call. However, I'm not on call this week and everything seems to be happening just as they would happen if I was the primary. I guess that is a good thing. Either way, I was still busy. If it wasn't for some of my co-workers and Yee in being able to talk to her, I'd probably go "postal" (inside joke of mine).