Projection

It's dark.
I see a silhouette.
It looks like a boy.
The surrounding lightens up a bit.
I can see his face.
He looks lost.
He wanders around walking forward with no clear path in front of him.
His eyes tired. Heavy. Sad.
With no place to go, he goes up every door he could find.
He gestures forward as if to knock.
He raises his arm with clenched-fists.
His fist stops inches from the door.
He hesitates.
He's scared of

New Song

Did I tell you guys that I'm a Taylor Swift fan? If not, then here's an announcement.

I LIKE TAYLOR SWIFT!!!

Anyway, currently digging her new song that's on my playlist right now. I went online and looked for the chords and tabs on the guitar. Just like her previous song "Love Story" there's a capo set on this song. Love Story was played with capo on 2nd fret. This song is played with capo on 4th fret. I couldn't stand it not sounding like the song, so I went to Target after work yesterday and bought a capo.

I've been going back and fourth with playing the piano and guitar. I've been singing a lot more just like when I was little. I guess I could say I accomplished another item on my 101 list. I also got drunk (a little bit) during my work's happy hour two weeks ago... so I guess that counts.

04. Improve playing piano and guitar
45. Get Drunk

I'm done.

Again and Again

Of all the places why does she insist on shopping on places where she knows there's a high chance I'll run into her?

As soon as I was walking along the handbag section towards the men's section, there she was. As I said before, I'm keeping my distance. So I didn't even bother going up to her and saying "hey." I just kept walking like I didn't see her or anything. If that was mean, then I'm sorry. My reasoning is because if I was to go to her and say "hi," then I make myself look like the creep. Call me childish, but she's the one who told me to leave her alone... so I'm leaving her alone.

Feeling Lost

This isn't one of my "ex-broke-up-with-me-and-I'm-being-miserable-because-I'm-depressed-and-tired-and-angry-and-sad-and-want-to-vent-because-I-have-no-other-output-for-the-time-being" post... or is it? It's a mixture of both. It's something different.

Digital SLR or Camcorder

I've been debating in my head on whether to get a digital SLR or a camcorder. For one, my other camera is old and the battery lasts for less than 2 hours of continued shooting. I've been thinking about getting a digital SLR because for some reason I've been wanting to take professional looking pictures.

On one hand, I also want to get a camcorder so I can start creating my videoblogs or start putting the skits and other random things I've been thinking about into videoform. Who knows. Maybe I'll be the next Tay Zonday (Chocolate Rain) or Happyslip.

Both of these have their purpose and I can easily just buy them both. However, both of these things are also unnecessary. I don't know which one to get. Maybe I can add it on my wishlist.

I hate dreaming sometimes

I had another dream. This time, we were lying down on the bed, side by side, and she asked me to marry her. I don't remember much about it, but I remember being very, very happy. Then I woke up.

Maybe it's because there was a marriage proposal scene on the "GI Joe" movie I watched yesterday.

My point is, I'm tired of feeling depressed and lonely. It sucks that every time I dream of her I lose my composure and get bummed out.

I'm done.

Desperate to talk to someone

"The only thing that gives me comfort, you guys, is when I'm sitting at home staring at the ceiling just WISHING that I had someone to talk to, is knowing that NONE of you idiots realize how lucky you are." - JD from Scrubs

Call me an attention seeker. I'm too depressed to defend myself. I don't give a shit about how it takes time to heal a broken heart.

My ex-girlfriend broke up with me when I just recently received news that my dad in the Philippines had a stroke and needed immediate medical attention because of complications of his diabetes. On top of that, it was my first time being the primary on-call person at my job and it had to be one of the busiest on-call week.

Quite frankly, I'm surprised I'm still alive today. I was on the edge... close to sleeping myself forever with the broken shards of glass near my computer from my broken window that still needs fixing.

Yes, I have my family, but I don't want my mom to see me cry anymore. She has a bad heart and I don't want to burden her. So there. I just made a rant thinking it would help. But it didn't. I'm still lonely and depressed.

I'm done.

Rewarded

So I just found out today in my email that I got rewarded by my project manager for building my technical capability. I integrated myself pretty into the team and picking up complex application knowledge allowing myself to help the team leads with tasks assigned.

It's great being recognized by your hardwork. I just do what I have to do and I'm in no way only doing this so I can get a reward. Having a job is a reward on it's own.

Not much else to say but thanks.

I'm done.

Mom's Highschool Reunion

The entire family went to Virginia for my mom's high school reunion. It was great meeting my mom's classmates. I knew most of them before cause they now work together in the same company. the other classmates came from Florida, Minnesota and Pennsylvania. We spent the entire day at my uncle's house. I must have sang over 30 songs in the karaoke machine. Sometime before 9PM, we had a program were the kids were playing piano and violin. It consisted of classical pieces first and then popular music. I wasn't part of the program, but they needed someone to sing the "You're Still You" by Josh Groban accompanied by piano. I knew the song so they made me sing and flip the sheet music. Just like when I was onstage during the masquerade, I wasn't nervous. I just sang to the best of my ability. It turned out pretty well. I had fun by creating "fun" for myself and others around me. Overall, I liked the entire day and it was great seeing my relatives again and new people.

44. Learn to let go
88. Learn to take a complement

I'm done.