It's about a girl

Girlfriend and I broke up almost 3 months ago. The first two months was the hardest. I couldn't sleep right. I was isolating myself. I was getting depressed. I'm surprised I actually survived when all I could think of was how did I let this happen. I just couldn't let her go. She was my first girlfriend and my first love. It saddens me that I can't talk to her like before because we started out as friends.

So the first two months were the hardest as I said before. I literally kept dreaming of her. In my dreams I was so happy. When I wake up I would start crying because it wasn't real. I don't know what's worse: Cutting my sleep so that I don't dream of her as much or wanting to sleep forever so I'll keep on dreaming. My friends tell me the same things: time heals. it takes time. don't think about it too much. My ex and another friend thinks I should find new friends. WTF? Not my fault we share the same friends.

That's pretty much all I thought about. Everything I am now is because she inspired me. She made me want to be a better person than I was. She made me happier than I ever thought I could be. Am I delusional to think such things? All I could think of was wanting to get back with her even though the chances of that happening are very low. I made it worse by being too clingy. I'm not lying when I say I love her. But is it really love? I hate that I'm second guessing myself because I don't even feel the love. It's more of I don't feel as attached as before. Is it a good thing?

All this rambling is caused by yesterday's unintentional meeting with my ex and friends. I was with my family and my dad decided to go to Target before heading home to buy RainEx windshield wipers. To kill time, I walked around and found my friends and my ex. Was it awkward? You bet. Did I start feeling emotional? Yes, but it wasn't the same as two months ago. Two months ago, every time we would meet up, my heart just dropped. This time, my mind was saying "Oh! She's here. Okay, time to move on."

I guess I am getting over her. I did want to move on, stand on my own two feet and walk like I used to. Keeping myself busy definitely helps. As a thinker, my mind wanders and wonders a lot. I'm doing a lot more now than I did in almost 4 years of my relationship with my ex.

- Spending time with family
- Quality time by myself
- Doing the things I like doing
- Making new friends
- Being productive
- etc.

I've rambled on far too long. I'll end this post with a quote from the movie "Up."

"Thank you for the adventure. Now find a new one."

I'm done.