Something you hate about yourself
Sometimes your mind can be the biggest downer you ever encounter. This is why I shouldn't be left alone for a long time. My mind starts to wander and I start thinking.
I got this list from my friend and for lack of creative writing, I'm resorting to this. Day 1 focuses on something that you hate about yourself. Well, I don't like the word 'hate.' But if I have to hate something about myself, it would have to be this matter of thinking too much.
Just a few hours ago, I was laying in bed with my laptop on the side playing Bejeweled and watching The Middle, Better With You, Modern Family and Cougar Town. Sometime around the time Cougar Town was showing, I somewhat dozed off for a bit. Then I woke up with the sudden realization of everything. I feel so unaccomplished and this sad thought was creeping up on me: I'm not going anywhere in life.
For the past year and a half, most of my days were spent feeling sorry for myself and this thought. With a busy work schedule, I had no time to pause my life and reflect on myself. I had to force myself to get up everyday and go to work like nothing happened. I was a walking zombie... going through life on auto-pilot. I was functional, but I wasn't living. I broke that cycle about 6 months ago as I started to get out more and got to reconnect with my friends. Despite all the good things that has happened, the thought still exists. How do you fill that that hole that was huge part of your life? The problem lies with me.
I'm scared I can never get that feeling ever again. Whenever the hole is filling up (healing), I get sentimental out of nowhere when I'm left to my own devices and start digging on that hole again. I haven't even started on Day 3 (Something you have to forgive yourself for) and I'm already ready to write about it.
In any case, the feeling I experienced isn't unique. I will experience it again.
I'm done.
Sometimes your mind can be the biggest downer you ever encounter. This is why I shouldn't be left alone for a long time. My mind starts to wander and I start thinking.
I got this list from my friend and for lack of creative writing, I'm resorting to this. Day 1 focuses on something that you hate about yourself. Well, I don't like the word 'hate.' But if I have to hate something about myself, it would have to be this matter of thinking too much.
Just a few hours ago, I was laying in bed with my laptop on the side playing Bejeweled and watching The Middle, Better With You, Modern Family and Cougar Town. Sometime around the time Cougar Town was showing, I somewhat dozed off for a bit. Then I woke up with the sudden realization of everything. I feel so unaccomplished and this sad thought was creeping up on me: I'm not going anywhere in life.
For the past year and a half, most of my days were spent feeling sorry for myself and this thought. With a busy work schedule, I had no time to pause my life and reflect on myself. I had to force myself to get up everyday and go to work like nothing happened. I was a walking zombie... going through life on auto-pilot. I was functional, but I wasn't living. I broke that cycle about 6 months ago as I started to get out more and got to reconnect with my friends. Despite all the good things that has happened, the thought still exists. How do you fill that that hole that was huge part of your life? The problem lies with me.
I'm scared I can never get that feeling ever again. Whenever the hole is filling up (healing), I get sentimental out of nowhere when I'm left to my own devices and start digging on that hole again. I haven't even started on Day 3 (Something you have to forgive yourself for) and I'm already ready to write about it.
In any case, the feeling I experienced isn't unique. I will experience it again.
I'm done.
No comments:
Post a Comment