30 Days of Truth - Day 3

Something you have to forgive yourself for

There are lots of things I blamed myself for.

I blamed myself for my parents' divorce. It took a long time to come to terms with it and to finally understand it wasn't my fault. Divorce was inevitable before that thing happened to me. After we left my dad, my aunt told was still calling my mom and saying that "WE" ruined my dad. After all the messed up things my dad did and it was us that ruined him. My mom told my aunt that it's not him that's ruined. We left to stay away from him and we were better off, but it was us that he shattered. The way we left him was wrong, but everyone whom we talked to and told about what happened, even my grandpa and other aunt (father's side), told us it was the right thing to do.

Another thing I have to forgive myself for is how everything went down with my ex. I can't move on if I can't forgive myself. It's true, that later on I wanted to be with her. But it has more to do with the fact that I could already tell before we broke up that I was losing her. Even before that, I was already committed after I got back from the Philippines, but the months leading into the inevitable was already apparent. I was indecisive because I didn't want her that badly. I didn't want to end the relationship because I really did like her, but it wasn't strong enough. I didn't have the guts to break up with her. I knew I was gonna get hurt big time for this if it ended. But it was great while it lasted.

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

You grieve you learn
You choke you learn
You laugh you learn
You choose you learn
You pray you learn
You ask you learn
You live you learn

I'm done.